Saturday, May 30, 2009

Stinging Nettles: my fake arch rival

Z: At the beginning of the year, some students of mine began trying to playfully incite competition between me and and one of the English teachers, Mr Nettles. So he and I went along with it and started making snide remarks towards each other. We would see each other in the teachers lounge and find out who had been snubbed lately according to the students. Students would say Mr Nettles gives them better grades, I would say English is just words, not science; and of course its going to be easier because he doesn't teach them anything. I escalated it to school wide drama when I hosted the Mr Manor Mustang Pageant and called him out as my "arch rival" in front of the whole school. He came back with some slam poetry that some students recorded and showed me on their phone. So, I couldn't back down. Below is my reply. Note that I teach at a school with about 10% white students, so this was done with respect to hip hop flo.

Nettles, 

You love writing all your cute little words

But how’s it gonna feel when you get served

That poem you dished out was kinda sweet

But sit down country boy, its time to eat

 

Here’s an assignment, go write a composition

I’m a split you like nuclear fission

If you eva wanna end these disputes

Stop posing like a cowboy in those ugly boots

Hey 1950 called and wants that greasy hair back

I’m gonna slam all over you just like shaq

Your sloppy writing skills just made me react

Mix up my chemicals and you’ll get smacked

Let me spell it out on the periodic table

Wimpunium would by your label

Can you handle the rhymes, I’ll go slow

I’m drowning you in H two Ohhhhh

Your mommy can wipe away that tear

No one messes with her little Shakespeare

There once a boy named Nettles

Every night he wettled his beddle

He dreamed of playing the guitar

Singing at bars, becoming a big star

Then I smoked him like a cigar

 

Even though I might be the slimmest

Now you know not to battle the chemist

 

I guess you should get back to work

Cause we all know the winner is Mr Kirk 

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