Saturday, May 21, 2011

Pun Off Video

My stomach got TYPED up in knots and I knew the KEY: BOARD myself up in the bathroom...but things took a fieRE TURN for the worse. When TEXT-mex went EN, TURds came out with a QWERTY smelling FUNK SHUNning away all my friends TILDE started taking SHIFTs to be near me. My twelve friends, I’ll call ‘em F1 through F12, were keeping TABs on me, AM-PERSANDly, only a few cared while the rest stared out the WINDOWS KEY because they’re just CHAR ACTERs.
My sister cruelly said  “Go see Doctor Mark. Your nasty VOWELS are all CONSONATED”
CURS OR ARROW of a tongue “Don’t give me anY LIP SIS” but I went anyway.
“I’ve got a QUESTION MARK, can you fix my BACK SLASHing gut pain?
He said with EXCLAMATION, “POINT to where it hurts!”
“This BACK SPACE here”
“Lean FORWARD, SLASH that, just COMMAND get on the table”
Nurse Paige took an imPRINT, SCREENing my stomach.
He told her “PAGE UP, PAGE DOWN” to move the scanner.
“Your bowel flow is UNDER SCORE for your age.”
Suddenly his fingers made a DASH for MINUS and in a second they’re sooo HYPHEN there.
Quickly my knee CAPS LOCKed up and senses went dead, a NUM LOCK if you will.
“You have a rotten CARET and a PEAR IN THE SEAS of your COLON. Additionally your oozing PLUS. Under these CIRCUMFLEXES, you’re ASTERISK for a SEMI-COLON. You must restart your bowels, to get things under CONTROL, ALT DELETE the blockage by inducing a COMMA and INSERTing this SPACE BAR to open things up. Where you’re AT, SIGN up for a return visit”
“Give me a QUOTATION, MARK, on the price”
“From one PERCENT to another, you can’t take anY QUALs this close. Don’t think about the DOLLAR! SIGNs indicate that if you don’t put a FULL STOP on POUNDing away all that HASH, you might get a PERIOD. If you slow down your habits I’ll award you with APOSTROPHE and you’ll be SCROLL LOCKING through the hills before you know it.”